The Moments In Between
Where to really find the big, beautiful moments
I’m driving my daughter Finley to the farm where she rides horses, and she’s not on her device. We’re talking about funny things. Or I’m in the car with my other daughter, Marlin, on the way to a soccer game, and we’re playing “21 Questions.”
Jerry Seinfeld calls this “garbage time”—the time when real life happens. As a parent, he points out the most soul-filling moments of watching a child read a comic book or eat a bowl of Cheerios at 11 p.m. when they’re supposed to be asleep.
That’s trash talking. I call these “the moments in between,” when we’re in fragment of time that seems ordinary but is, in fact, extraordinary. It’s kind of like catching a wave. You can’t control a wave—you have to be patient, and wait for it.
The moments in between are when the real conversations and the real connections happen. You can’t plan the moments in between, but you can prepare for them by being completely present, especially in the anticipation and aftermath of adventures.
Let’s pause for a moment and consider our social media feeds—filled with picture perfect snapshots of birthday parties with color-coordinated everything; travels to azure seas; and always adorable babies. It’s exhausting. In The Millennial Whisperer, I call this the Pinterization of our generation, and it’s not when real life happens.
Real life happens when you’re on the way to a fishing trip, or a surfing trip, or a horseback riding lesson, and you can feel the stoke beneath the surface. For Father’s Day, my brothers and I took our dad to catch stripers, and we all landed some of the biggest fish of our lives. But it wasn’t about that Instagram-worthy moment (and yes, we did post the photos on Instagram); it was about getting my dad out of his house and finding a new connection with him during the unpredictable times. Like when our captain, T, hit a huge wave that soaked my dad and my wife, Julie, leaving them in hysterics. It was the first time all summer I’d heard my dad laugh that loud.
It doesn’t have to be “21 Questions,” but it does relate to asking the questions that matter. In my experience, the answers come when we’re in motion to and from an adventure that pushes us out of our comfort zone. We’re vulnerable, and when someone asks us an interesting question, we’re more likely to open up and share a new piece of ourselves. These conversations are magical, and potentially life-changing.
The moments in between are the best moments of our lives, and I’ll be sharing more of them here on Substack. In the meantime, I’d love to hear about your moments in between.
